Sin

I know everyone commits mistakes and has his or her own way of handling it. But everyone has that one flaw that whatever we do, we can never cure. We can never accept one part of ourselves and no matter what we do there is no way we can cure it. But this sometimes happen subconsciously and it takes a lot of thinking to actually understand what that something is. I am no psychology major so everything here is just me saying what I realized while thinking to myself.

I am too prideful. that's the part of me that I can never accept nor will I ever be able to remove. I am not saying this because I read too much manga or anime for that matter. I am saying this because after realizing that all of my thoughts were about the downfall of the ones I'm mad at. I just can't accept it. How can I live a happy life but all I want is to see everyone else suffer. But after thinking about it, it's already a part of me and i won't be able to change that. But I will never accept it.

College

I started out college with the idea of changing... But at my first year, it didn't felt that way. I was still the same boy who made others do things I needed to do myself. I did join some organization but with out commitment, it didn't last. The following years I dropped my previous org an joined a new one. At the first term it didn't felt different, I only attended one activity and it didn't felt like I improved. The next term I decided to join their Junior Officer's program. I thought maybe if I did work outside being a member, maybe I'll get somewhere. I did became more active and it felt a lot more productive compared to the pass. I'm note sure if I changed or not, But that doesn't matter as long as I can do somethings that could help then it's already okay.


This year I decided to join a few more orgs. I'm still doubtful whether I'll be able to be active in all or them but I'm sure if I can experience new things then everything will be worth it. Because after pondering everything today... I realized I'm not the person to stay focus on one thing alone. I like thinking of different things at the same time. I don't like having boundaries around me. So I guess the only way for me to grow is for me to experience different things... :)

Today

'Today' is a day that will always happen but will never happen again. A paradox with in this world we live in. And my 'today' is something I am grateful for. I have seen some of my friends graduate and some friends who have already left. My stay with them felt really short but the moments I shared with them will never be forgotten. The experience that I have acquired while with them will forever be part of who I am and who I will become. But everyone has to move on in more ways than one. I will have to learn to let go of the expectations of having another day seeing you guys at the usual hang out and spend the time aimlessly talking about random things. I will also have to get used to having that once filled space left open as a gap, unsure of who will fill it. But the most important thing is to accept change. The you today that I have learned to appreciate will one day disappear and get replaced by a 'you' that I might not recognize but it is my duty to accept that new you because it is just a part of who You truly are.

This is why as i end this day's 'today' and wait for tomorrow's. I would like to congratulate all the people who have graduated and to say thank you for all the wonderful time you have spend with not just me but with the rest of us who you will leave behind. Let God be graceful and bless your futures.